I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
