i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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