Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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