woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
