It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is this like a preordered booty call?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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