Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
