I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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