he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
