Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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