Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
