So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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