i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
