i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
