Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
