Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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