she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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