chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize