you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
