clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Randomize
