woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
