i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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