remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
