The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
