if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
