I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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