There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My underwear smells like fireworks.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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