she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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