Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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