Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
