the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
