the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
