Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
