K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
