Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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