you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
