Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
