Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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