Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just pee around me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
