Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
