And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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