my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry my hands just texted you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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