Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
