He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
