bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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