He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize