There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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