sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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