I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
