I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
