dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
