How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
