How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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