nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
