so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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