i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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