All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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