And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
