My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
