I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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