I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
