I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
