He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
