Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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