Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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