Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
