Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drunk is not a location!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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