when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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