Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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