question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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