Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
