I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
