dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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