He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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