Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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