I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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