don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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